Iceland Catering Royal Wedding?
We have the power to exclude you.
Forget WikiLeaks. This week's scandalous international revelation comes courtesy of 130 lb ivory card stock by way of handwritten calligraphy: William & Kate's wedding guest list. Who's on it, and who's not!
William's mother, Princess Diana, was good friends with Elton John. He even sang at her funeral. So insiders thought he was a shoo-in for an invite. But maybe not.
Joan Rivers was even on the short list. She's friends with William's father, Prince Charles (no, really.) But can you imagine her toast at the reception? Would she slip into one of her 1980s era comedy routines, ranting against the royal family? I can see why she didn't make the final cut.
But what about Iceland? Why didn't Prime Minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir get an invitation? Sure, things have been shaky with England. But why not extend the olive branch? Why not, like in the Icelandic Sagas, use the occasion of a wedding for financial and political gain? To eat, drink, be merry, and to keep a close eye on friends, foes, and flight risks.
But insiders say Sigurðardóttir is undeterred by the snub. In fact, she just might get the last laugh by going through the back door.
"We've got an angle," said project manager and trusted advisor Brynhildur Thorazinursdottir. "Iceland's putting in a bid to cater the wedding. We can apply our fee to what we owe England, and Jóhanna will still be able to attend. We're killing two birds with one stone."
It's a long shot, but Thorazinursdottir believes the unconventional bid will charm the sometimes stuffy royals. "Yes, our main course for dinner would be cold cod. But we'd serve it with a sauce. And the volcano centerpieces would be made by Icelandic school children. Who could not adore such a thing?"
And if that's not enough, Thorazinursdottir revealed the ace up Iceland's sleeve. "To seal the deal, Jóhanna has offered to babysit during the event. I mean, what if Elton John gets a last minute invitation? While he and Mr. Furnish are on the dancefloor, Jóhanna can keep an eye on their adopted baby boy. Of course," she said, "we'll add that to the bill."
And if all goes as planned, Iceland might find a way to work off its entire debt to England.
"Just think," said Thorazinursdottir, "if we can pull off this wedding gig, we'll have our foot in the door. Then we could cater state dinners, do light housekeeping at Buckingham Palace, serve sandwiches at royal cricket matches. Iceland is ready to roll up her sleeves and make a dent in this debt repayment thing."
Even critics say the plan is a practical one. But some think Sigurðardóttir might have other motives, citing her desire to become BFF to Britain's Boy George.
"I won't put words in her mouth," said Thorazinursdottir, "but if Boy George asks Jóhanna if she wants to hang with him while she's in London, I think the answer would be a big fat yes!"
William's mother, Princess Diana, was good friends with Elton John. He even sang at her funeral. So insiders thought he was a shoo-in for an invite. But maybe not.
Joan Rivers was even on the short list. She's friends with William's father, Prince Charles (no, really.) But can you imagine her toast at the reception? Would she slip into one of her 1980s era comedy routines, ranting against the royal family? I can see why she didn't make the final cut.
But what about Iceland? Why didn't Prime Minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir get an invitation? Sure, things have been shaky with England. But why not extend the olive branch? Why not, like in the Icelandic Sagas, use the occasion of a wedding for financial and political gain? To eat, drink, be merry, and to keep a close eye on friends, foes, and flight risks.
But insiders say Sigurðardóttir is undeterred by the snub. In fact, she just might get the last laugh by going through the back door.
"We've got an angle," said project manager and trusted advisor Brynhildur Thorazinursdottir. "Iceland's putting in a bid to cater the wedding. We can apply our fee to what we owe England, and Jóhanna will still be able to attend. We're killing two birds with one stone."
It's a long shot, but Thorazinursdottir believes the unconventional bid will charm the sometimes stuffy royals. "Yes, our main course for dinner would be cold cod. But we'd serve it with a sauce. And the volcano centerpieces would be made by Icelandic school children. Who could not adore such a thing?"
And if that's not enough, Thorazinursdottir revealed the ace up Iceland's sleeve. "To seal the deal, Jóhanna has offered to babysit during the event. I mean, what if Elton John gets a last minute invitation? While he and Mr. Furnish are on the dancefloor, Jóhanna can keep an eye on their adopted baby boy. Of course," she said, "we'll add that to the bill."
And if all goes as planned, Iceland might find a way to work off its entire debt to England.
"Just think," said Thorazinursdottir, "if we can pull off this wedding gig, we'll have our foot in the door. Then we could cater state dinners, do light housekeeping at Buckingham Palace, serve sandwiches at royal cricket matches. Iceland is ready to roll up her sleeves and make a dent in this debt repayment thing."
Even critics say the plan is a practical one. But some think Sigurðardóttir might have other motives, citing her desire to become BFF to Britain's Boy George.
"I won't put words in her mouth," said Thorazinursdottir, "but if Boy George asks Jóhanna if she wants to hang with him while she's in London, I think the answer would be a big fat yes!"